The Last Defense
The online version of my screenplay was removed on 11-10-05. If you would like a copy please email me at fitzufilms@gmail.com
posted by Fitz @ 11:14 AM
3 comments
Fitzufilms
Read about my journey towards the making of my first film and other movie related topics.
Monday, June 06, 2005
About Me
- Name: Fitz
- Location: North Carolina, United States
An avid movie fan, I have written a script for my own short film that I plan on shooting in the near future. Scroll down to see more.
3 Comments:
This comment was actually left by "sunspots" on the IMDB message board. So I posted here-
Hello!
I know that you requested replies to go to your site, but I really have too many usernames to keep track of, already! --
Anyway, I really liked your short script. Aside from a few minor spelling errors, and tiny bits of dialog that could be reworked, it's really good! Like 12 Angry Men with a twist.
For the ending, had you considered having Phillip take the bus to the courthouse, leaving his car in the garage? I realize that he lives in an apartment, but it could be a condo, and many of them (in California, at least) have garages. After returning home, he could go to the garage, look at his bumper, close the garage door, then climb into the car and start the engine.
Too cliche? Maybe. But also something that a depressed, guilty person might do, or consider doing.
Good luck!
I found the twist to be very good, I didn't expect it at all. I think you should probably work on the dialogue a bit more but basically the story works well. The jury room scenes reminded my of 12 Angry Men.
It seemed like "real" dialouge to me, which is surely good. I realised the twist, but that may have been because I read the other post about there being a twist so I may have subconciously looked for it beforehand.
I liked it, although it seems more like the beginning of a film rather than a film in itself.
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